Dating Website Misrepresentation

Geplaatst op 03-04-2025

Okay, I confessed it some time ago, but in case you didn’t know… I’ve been off and on a couple of different dating websites. I was finding my ability to meet new women difficult at best between my work schedule, Noah, and (if I’m being completely honest) my increasingly difficult time finding somebody who wants to date me and not some other person that they for some reason think that I am because of this blog.

I figured that since the vast majority of people still have no clue who I am, I could meet some great people without the added pressure.

After deciding to give it a whirl, I setup a few dates. And, I did start to meet some really great women.

I’ll never forget the first date I went on. When we first met, she walked up to me hesitantly, and I looked at her wondering if it was really the girl I had been talking to. She looked completely different than anything I had seen in any of the 14 photographs on her profile. She was heavier. Much heavier. And she looked like she was waiting for me to notice this ~~small~~ fact and run.

The first words out of her mouth were, “Ummm, you look exactly the same as you do in your photographs. That’s weird. That doesn’t happen.” Was that weird? I hadn’t thought so. I didn’t know dating was supposed to be a “Haha! I tricked you into a date!” kind of a game. I guess I had a lot to learn.

We went in to dinner and we enjoyed some nice conversation. Personality-wise, she was very much the person with whom I had been exchanging emails online. But I couldn’t get over one fact. I felt lied to. I felt deceived.

Had I seen a photograph of what she currently looked like, I wouldn’t have immediately brushed her off. She was heavier, but that didn’t matter. She was a really pretty girl. Why was she trying to hide who she was? The dinner was pleasant, but that was the end of anything with her. I lost any potential attraction to her when I found out she didn’t like herself enough to actually present herself as herself (in at least some of her photos).

I’ve thought back several times to that date, and to her first words when we met. You look exactly the same as you do in your photographs. That’s weird. That doesn’t happen. Was that statement true? I don’t think so. I’ve been on many dates with women that I met through dating websites, and almost everyone else was pretty close to what they shared in their photographs. A couple of them even showed up and were more healthy or attractive than their pictures depicted.

I feel bad about what happened. Under different circumstances, I would have loved to become better friends with her. I would have loved to take her on a second date. But I also like to surround myself with real people.

It still doesn’t make sense to me. If you’re looking for a real connection with a person, how can you possibly expect to find it if you’re being anything other than the person that you actually are? Of course, I am only speaking for me here, but I want somebody to be attracted to me. Not some skinnier, stronger, sexier, younger version of me. I am who I am, and if I date a person, “me” is who I’m going to be when I’m with them. If they don’t like it… well, that’s their loss.

People need to just be themselves on dating websites. If they don’t like who they are, they need to change themselves or learn to be comfortable with themselves where they’re at (easier said than done, I know). But pretending to be something completely different doesn’t work. At least it doesn’t work for me.

Anyway… done ranting now.

PS. Have you ever met somebody for a date and felt that a misrepresentation has happened? Do you think I should have not cared or do you think it is okay to be turned off when somebody shows up who is not the person they presented themselves to be online?